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11 Mediation Q. 67 (1993-1994)
Revenge, forgiveness, and the magic of mediation

handle is hein.journals/cfltrq11 and id is 69 raw text is: Revenge, Forgiveness, and the Magic of Mediation Kenneth Cloke Mediators often deal with parties whose anger has become a force more powerful than self-interest. In these situations, the neutral must find ways of releasing the parties from vengeful, self-harming behavior by creating an alternative in forgiveness and reconciliation. This article explores defini- tions of anger, revenge, and forgiveness as well as the occasions and reasons for experiencing these emotions. Practical and creative techniques involving symbol, ritual, and storytelling are suggested so that parties may forgive one another and begin the healing process. As a mediator, I often encounter parties whose anger has become a force more powerful than self-interest, especially in cases involving shame or humiliation. I have tried to find ways of releasing them from vengeful, self- harming behavior by creating an alternative in forgiveness and recon- ciliation. This cannot be done directly, since it will be interpreted as favoring the other side, but it can be done subtly and indirectly, or directly after the issue has been settled. The following are my ruminations and experiments in attempting to transform revenge into forgiveness, using the magic of media- tion. These ideas will not work always or for everyone, but that they work at all continues to amaze and inspire me. A large part of the history of the world can be written as a search for re- venge. Nearly everyone, at some point in their lives, imagines, desires, or pursues some act of revenge, the purpose of which is to balance out some previous harm or injustice. Revenge begins quite simply with anger, which is universal. In mediation, anger is a kind of map to the source of the conflict. It is a release of the brake we use to prevent ourselves from expressing our feelings. It is the flip side of vulnerability and a step in its direction. Most divorcing couples know intuitively that there is something worse than anger, which is indifference. When anger is used to cover up a fear, it creates a new fear. Anger reduces listening and cuts through denial, which creates more anger in 67 MLDIAIIUN QUARTMLY, VOL 11, no. 1, Fall 1993 Qjossey-B- Publishen

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