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43 Fam. Advoc. 36 (2020-2021)
Parenting Coordination and Co-Parenting Counseling: Choosing the Best Intervention for Families

handle is hein.journals/famadv43 and id is 194 raw text is: Choosing the Best Intervention Jo BY ANNETTE T. BURNS hen a family court judge or lawyer needs to choose among available co-parenting interventions for families, two of the best-known interventions are parenting coordination and co-parenting counsel- ing. Both choices are designed to help and educate parents who share decision-making and parenting time of their children, although both processes can also be helpful even where one parent has sole or primary decision-making. Of the two, parenting coordination is the more intensive process. Early in a separation or divorce case, the co-parents' feelings about each other are affected (and often destroyed) by their long-standing conflicts, ineffective communication styles, anger, differing parenting styles, substance abuse, sexual issues, and feelings of abandonment and unfairness in the relationship. Debt and finances are often major points of stress and anxiety. In many cases, one parent was almost entirely in control of the child's day-to-day activities, and with separation, that parent expects to continue in that role, which will not be the case when joint legal decision-making and almost equal parenting time orders are created. As the divorce case progresses, those conflicts tend to escalate. The parties may have taken positions against each other, and may have positive and negative advocates (attor- neys, family, and friends who have taken sides). Intractable conflict is exacerbated by legal threats, court dates, fees and costs, and third-party involvement, including custody evaluators and judges. When the parents do communicate, they may be blaming, defensive, and threatening and want to rehash past perceived injustices. The involvement of third Families parties enhances the desire to blame, as parents who believe they were wronged feel they can convince a third party how right they are and how wrong the other person is. Collaborative efforts such as mediation or parent educa- tion may fail to resolve conflict at this stage. Being involved in court isn't good for co-parenting. For a variety of reasons, litigants don't make good co-parents. The characteristics of a litigant are directly in conflict with the characteristics of effective co-parents. Interventions help remove parents from the most adver- sarial environments and focus on their children. Whether parenting coordination or co-parenting counseling is chosen as a solution, the parents are more likely to stay out of court and focus on their status as co-parents rather than combatants. Any analysis of what might help co-parents should recognize that some families need less assistance, while others are engaged in what is known as intractable conflict (conflict that causes harm to both children and relationships) that may involve multiple returns to court. When parents experience mild to moderate conflict, co-parenting education with a skilled therapist can provide information that parents will put into use in their own families. John Moran, David Weinstock & Kolette Butler, Matching Parent Education Programs to Family Treatment Needs, in Evidence-Informed Interventions for Court-Involved Families: Promoting Healthy Coping and Development (Lyn R. Greenberg, Barbara J. Fidler & Michael A. Saini eds., 2019). When parents are taught to gain insight into their own relationships and behaviors, and how their behaviors affect their children, they may be able to learn skills to lessen damage to the children. 36 FAMILY ADVOCATE www.shopaba.org Published in Family Advocate, Volume 43, Number 4, Spring 2021. © 2021 by the American Bar Association. Reproduced with permission. All rights reserved. This information or any portion thereof may not be copied or disseminated in any form or by any means or stored in an electronic database or retrieval system without the express written consent of the American Bar Association. I

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