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34 Child & Fam. L. Q. 275 (2022)
How Fathers Experience Family Mediation in New Zealand

handle is hein.journals/chilflq34 and id is 280 raw text is: 275 How fathers experience family mediation in New Zealand Nurit Zubery* Keywords: Fathers - divorce - family - mediation - dispute - gender This New Zealand study aims to examine the experiences of fathers in family mediation in an open, non-directive way. Qualitative, semi-structured interviews were conducted with fathers who attended family mediation. The interviews revealed a highly challenging post-separation period for fathers as they battled severe grief combined with confusing societal messages about fatherhood. The devaluation of fatherhood by mothers, mediators and often fathers themselves surfaced as a pervasive theme. The most prominent experience that transpired in the interviews was gender-based bias and a strong feeling of powerlessness as fathers perceived mothers as holding absolute power in the mediation. For most fathers, the full potential of mediation has not been fulfilled due to anger and frustration created by these difficulties. Implications for mediators include the need to be aware of the fragile state of fathers and to show respect for the different quality of fatherhood. Mediators should use techniques that maximise the potential for conflict resolution as opposed to settlement and use reflective practice and supervision, especially around gender bias and gender power issues. Increasing engagement with fathers will enable mediators to unlock the full potential of family mediation and enhance the well-being of children through enabling a meaningful relationship with fathers. Introduction '... the experience of nurturing and caring for young children has the power to change the cultural construction of masculinity into something less coercive and oppressive for both women and men. The redefinition of fathering is thus an essential step in the continuing feminist transformation of patriarchal culture. Major shifts in traditional gender roles and in the structure of the family have resulted in divorce rates of 40 to 50 percent in most industrialised societies.2 The effects of divorce on women, children and men have been well documented and scholars have attempted to find ways to mitigate these harmful effects. It is widely acknowledged that family mediation to resolve disputes between separating parents causes less harm than adversarial legal battles.3 In New Zealand, a mandatory mediation requirement for care of children disputes has been in force since 2014. However, the figures presented in this article reveal only a small number of family mediations take place and nearly four times as many cases end up in the Family Court. Mediators and researchers have expressed concern over the lack of engagement of fathers in * Mediator, Beyond Conflict Mediation, New Zealand. This article is based on a thesis submitted for the degree of Master of Laws, University of Auckland, 2021. I am grateful to Professor Mark Henaghan for his wise and generous support throughout the research process and beyond. 1 L Silverstein, 'Fathering is a Feminist Issue' (1996) 20 Psychol Women Q 3, 31. 2 G Hald, J Strizzi, A Cipric and S Sander, 'The Divorce Conflict Scale' (2020) 61 J Divorce Remarriage 83. 3 R Emery, D Sbarra and T Grover, 'Divorce Mediation: Research and Reflections' (2005) 43 Fam Ct Rev 22.

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