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34 Child & Fam. L. Q. 275 (2022)
How Fathers Experience Family Mediation in New Zealand

handle is hein.journals/chilflq34 and id is 280 raw text is: 275
How fathers experience family mediation
in New Zealand
Nurit Zubery*
Keywords: Fathers - divorce - family - mediation - dispute - gender
This New Zealand study aims to examine the experiences of fathers in family mediation in an
open, non-directive way. Qualitative, semi-structured interviews were conducted with fathers
who attended family mediation. The interviews revealed a highly challenging post-separation
period for fathers as they battled severe grief combined with confusing societal messages about
fatherhood. The devaluation of fatherhood by mothers, mediators and often fathers themselves
surfaced as a pervasive theme. The most prominent experience that transpired in the interviews
was gender-based bias and a strong feeling of powerlessness as fathers perceived mothers as
holding absolute power in the mediation. For most fathers, the full potential of mediation has
not been fulfilled due to anger and frustration created by these difficulties. Implications for
mediators include the need to be aware of the fragile state of fathers and to show respect for the
different quality of fatherhood. Mediators should use techniques that maximise the potential
for conflict resolution as opposed to settlement and use reflective practice and supervision,
especially around gender bias and gender power issues. Increasing engagement with fathers will
enable mediators to unlock the full potential of family mediation and enhance the well-being of
children through enabling a meaningful relationship with fathers.
Introduction
'... the experience of nurturing and caring for young children has the power to change the
cultural construction of masculinity into something less coercive and oppressive for both
women and men. The redefinition of fathering is thus an essential step in the continuing
feminist transformation of patriarchal culture.
Major shifts in traditional gender roles and in the structure of the family have resulted in
divorce rates of 40 to 50 percent in most industrialised societies.2 The effects of divorce on
women, children and men have been well documented and scholars have attempted to find
ways to mitigate these harmful effects. It is widely acknowledged that family mediation to
resolve disputes between separating parents causes less harm than adversarial legal battles.3
In New Zealand, a mandatory mediation requirement for care of children disputes has been in
force since 2014. However, the figures presented in this article reveal only a small number of
family mediations take place and nearly four times as many cases end up in the Family Court.
Mediators and researchers have expressed concern over the lack of engagement of fathers in
* Mediator, Beyond Conflict Mediation, New Zealand. This article is based on a thesis submitted for the degree of Master of
Laws, University of Auckland, 2021. I am grateful to Professor Mark Henaghan for his wise and generous support
throughout the research process and beyond.
1 L Silverstein, 'Fathering is a Feminist Issue' (1996) 20 Psychol Women Q 3, 31.
2 G Hald, J Strizzi, A Cipric and S Sander, 'The Divorce Conflict Scale' (2020) 61 J Divorce Remarriage 83.
3 R Emery, D Sbarra and T Grover, 'Divorce Mediation: Research and Reflections' (2005) 43 Fam Ct Rev 22.

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