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102 Denver L. Rev. F. 1 (2024-2025)

handle is hein.journals/dnvrlwfv102 and id is 1 raw text is: 







    THE  DEVIL'S DICTIONARY OF CRIMINAL PROCEDURE

                         MICHAEL  D. CICCHINI*
                               ABSTRACT
     Ambrose   Bierce's Devil's Dictionary cynically redefined words, in-
cluding some  general legal terms, to better reflect reality. For example,
Bierce  redefined precedent  as a previous  decision, rule or practice
which  ... has whatever force and authority a Judge may choose to give it,
thereby greatly simplifying his task of doing as he pleases.
     While Bierce's dictionary is entertaining, beneath the humor and the
bitterness of his work lay a sophisticated understanding of the shortcom-
ings of our legal system. And in addition to being insightful, this satirical
style of writing can serve as a valuable teaching tool, particularly for as-
piring criminal defense lawyers.
     With that educational goal in mind, I present this Article, the Devil's
Dictionary of Criminal Procedure.  Instead of being struck numb by un-
expected  prosecutorial misconduct  and  judicial ignorance  of the law,
aspiring defense lawyers must  anticipate and brace for the lawless chaos
that awaits them  in the courthouse. Since it is invariably unfamiliarity
that makes  a thing more formidable  than it really is, a serious study of
this Devil's Dictionary of Criminal Procedure  will ensure that no form
of adversity finds you a complete beginner.
                          TABLE  OF CONTENTS
     I. AMBROSE  BIERCE:  THE  DEVIL'S DISCIPLE  ....................................1
     II. D ICTIONARY ENTRIES  .............................................................. 3
     III. GRAB A WEAPON   AND  JOIN THE BATTLE   .............................14
              I. AMBROSE   BIERCE: THE  DEVIL'S  DISCIPLE
     Ambrose   Bierce was an Americanjournalist,  short-story author, and
satirist who wrote primarily in the late 1800s.1 He was a fierce critic ofthe
American  legal system and, in particular, of the judiciary.2 Bierce's utter
disdain for both is nicely captured in this anecdote:
    Upon  learning that a San Francisco woman had filed suit against the city


    * Criminal Defense Lawyer, Cicchini Law Office LLC, Kenosha, Wisconsin. J.D., summa cum
laude, Marquette University Law School (1999); C.P.A., University of Illinois Board of Examiners
(1997); M.B.A., Marquette University Graduate School (1994); B.S., University of Wisconsin-
Parkside (1990). Visit www.CicchiniLaw.com for more information.
    1.    See THE AMBROSE BIERCE PROJECT: RESOURCES: AMBROSE BIERCE TIMELINE,
http://www.ambrosebierce.org/resources.html (last visited Jan. 23, 2025).
    2.    See J. Gordon Hylton, The Devil's Disciple and the Learned Profession: Ambrose
Bierce andthe Practice ofLaw in GildedAge America, 23 CONN.L.REV. 705, 709-10 (1991) (quoting
two ofBierce's most entertaining fables, titled Judge and Plaintiff and A Defective Petition).

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