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102 Denver L. Rev. F. 1 (2024-2025)

handle is hein.journals/dnvrlwfv102 and id is 1 raw text is: THE DEVIL'S DICTIONARY OF CRIMINAL PROCEDURE MICHAEL D. CICCHINI* ABSTRACT Ambrose Bierce's Devil's Dictionary cynically redefined words, in- cluding some general legal terms, to better reflect reality. For example, Bierce redefined precedent as a previous decision, rule or practice which ... has whatever force and authority a Judge may choose to give it, thereby greatly simplifying his task of doing as he pleases. While Bierce's dictionary is entertaining, beneath the humor and the bitterness of his work lay a sophisticated understanding of the shortcom- ings of our legal system. And in addition to being insightful, this satirical style of writing can serve as a valuable teaching tool, particularly for as- piring criminal defense lawyers. With that educational goal in mind, I present this Article, the Devil's Dictionary of Criminal Procedure. Instead of being struck numb by un- expected prosecutorial misconduct and judicial ignorance of the law, aspiring defense lawyers must anticipate and brace for the lawless chaos that awaits them in the courthouse. Since it is invariably unfamiliarity that makes a thing more formidable than it really is, a serious study of this Devil's Dictionary of Criminal Procedure will ensure that no form of adversity finds you a complete beginner. TABLE OF CONTENTS I. AMBROSE BIERCE: THE DEVIL'S DISCIPLE ....................................1 II. D ICTIONARY ENTRIES .............................................................. 3 III. GRAB A WEAPON AND JOIN THE BATTLE .............................14 I. AMBROSE BIERCE: THE DEVIL'S DISCIPLE Ambrose Bierce was an Americanjournalist, short-story author, and satirist who wrote primarily in the late 1800s.1 He was a fierce critic ofthe American legal system and, in particular, of the judiciary.2 Bierce's utter disdain for both is nicely captured in this anecdote: Upon learning that a San Francisco woman had filed suit against the city * Criminal Defense Lawyer, Cicchini Law Office LLC, Kenosha, Wisconsin. J.D., summa cum laude, Marquette University Law School (1999); C.P.A., University of Illinois Board of Examiners (1997); M.B.A., Marquette University Graduate School (1994); B.S., University of Wisconsin- Parkside (1990). Visit www.CicchiniLaw.com for more information. 1. See THE AMBROSE BIERCE PROJECT: RESOURCES: AMBROSE BIERCE TIMELINE, http://www.ambrosebierce.org/resources.html (last visited Jan. 23, 2025). 2. See J. Gordon Hylton, The Devil's Disciple and the Learned Profession: Ambrose Bierce andthe Practice ofLaw in GildedAge America, 23 CONN.L.REV. 705, 709-10 (1991) (quoting two ofBierce's most entertaining fables, titled Judge and Plaintiff and A Defective Petition).

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