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19 J. Value Inquiry 3 (1985)

handle is hein.journals/jrnlvi19 and id is 1 raw text is: J. Value Inquiry 19:3-12 (1985). ©Martinus Nijhoff Publishers, Dordrecht. Printed in the Netherlands. Articles STRONG FEELINGS HOWARD KAMLER Eastern Michigan University Only formerly good friends could be such strong enemies. Hell hath no fury like a women scorned. Hatred and friendship are two sides of the same coin. We are all uncomfortably familiar with the truth of these sentiments. Whether a person is a divorcing spouse or a fickle child playing musical chairs with a proces- sion of best friends, his ending an old friendship can be a painful, hurtful, and sometimes hateful thing. Why is this so? What exactly are these deeply emotional relations of friendship and hatefulness? We will consider the two in turn in this paper. 1. True Friendship There are different kinds of friendship.' They exist on a continuum determined by the amount of care, value, two parties have for one another. Acquaintanceship is the limiting case of this concept. Mere acquaintances have a minimal caring for one another, at best; just enough, in fact, to be willing to share some time together. A bit further along this continuum are utility friendships. These show themselves in people concerned with helping each other as a matter of egoistic trade, mutual self-interest.2 One sort are alliances. Countries usually enjoy these friendships, signing friendships pacts and the like. Individuals, though, can have alliances too. Family members, who may otherwise loathe one another in every respect, sometimes rally around some common concern of self-interest. Allies definitely care for one another, but for reasons of mutual self-interest. The problem with these friendships is that they are typically shortlived. As soon as either party's self-interest is no longer in jeopardy, the need for the alliance dies; and so, usually, does the friendship. This is because something special is missing - namely, affec- tion. There are other utility friendships, however, which do involve affection. I have in mind friendships based upon an exchange of pleasure. Sex, food, laughter, etc. 3

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