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49 Harbinger 1 (2024)

handle is hein.journals/harbg49 and id is 1 raw text is: WHISPER TO A SCREAM BRIAN FULLER' The author provides an honest, in-depth look at his early life, the horrors and abuses of life in prison, and the effects of trauma. We've all heard the expression: what a difference a day makes. Time really does heal all wounds. Even the ones that are still rather fresh. This stuff is never easy to talk about. However, if we manage to save just one life, then relieving any discomfort will most certainly be worth it. I was recently sexually assaulted. Now, I know what usually comes to mind after someone says that: imagery depicting those old Hollywood stereotypical prison scenes. This was not like that. Some old creepy bastard casually walked up to pinch me on my nipple. To him, he was simply playing around. Needless to say, I completely freaked out! I started screaming at him: You lost your mind? Keep your filthy hands off me! Ya dig? I won't tell you again. Of course, he laughs in my face, pinches the other one, says: fuck you... you ain't gonna do shit, and turns like he's allowed to walk away. I caught him with a right hook that arcs around with an uppercut to it. WHAM! I think it might have lifted him off his toes a little bit. He lands flat on the floor with a loud thud, knocked out cold. I'll spare you all the details of my profanity-laced tirade. Point is, it takes a lot to get me to that palace, and I can't stand this side of myself. Something in my head just snaps and it's like: here we go. I feel like that scared little kid getting picked on all over again. I know I carry too much anger. Believe me... I've been trying to get some help with it all my life. We live in a society that thinks it's okay to play mind games with each other. Folks will posture, poke, and prod at you; knowing full well their sole intent is to provoke you. That's how the game is played. They want to gang up on someone to degrade and demean a person, until they destroy them; just so they can all have a laugh to get their sick kicks. Well, all I have to say to that is: with friends like that - who needs enemies? I turn 55 this year. This isn't my first time in prison. Ever since I was a little kid, I knew that people in authority rarely ever see the bully. Yet, they usually catch folks like me if we strike back or lash out. I've been trying to figure out what is wrong with me for a very long time. Years ago, I finally took some tests after seeing a film and reading a book by Temple Grandin. I found out that I was on the autism spectrum * Brian Fuller is a writer, artist and activist. He has written and published several poems, short stories, and personal essays. He brings a rawness and level of detail, honesty and humor to his writing that will surely move its readers. 1

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